Tuesday, November 15, 2016
Research Paper Intro
As time progresses, many entities like technology, laws, and nature tend to progress, or at the very least change, as well. In the twenty-first century, there has been a significant focus on the changes that take place in technology specifically, and how we as a human culture can focus on advancing it, however do we truly analyze its implications, especially on our relationships and views of marginalized groups? As technology becomes better and more efficient, there is a plethora of new opportunities emerging for such groups, women in particular, to thrive and be more included in society. However, concurrently, there exists a paradox between women being successful in the professional world, but not having equality in the realm of sexual freedom and sexuality. This paradox exists for various psychological, societal, and scientific reasons, and as a direct result intimate relationships are harder to experience.
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I see where your point is going, but I must say that as a whole, this introduction seems a little bit broad. I'm sure you get into more of the specifics later in your paper, but I think it would be beneficial for you to try and get a little more specific in your introduction paragraph, as well. With your thesis specifically, I think it would be beneficial for you to not simply state "various psychological, societal, and scientific reasons" because while that categorizes all your points, it does not set the state for a strong argument and reads a bit wishy-washy. Still, I like where this intro is going and I am confident that you will end up with a great paper.
ReplyDeleteI think your topic is really interesting, however I agree with Matt in that the intro seems a bit broad. What types of technology are you talking about? How does this connect to the paradox between success and inequality? I have an idea of what you mean, but I think your introduction could benefit from a bit more explanation and defining terms.
ReplyDeleteAs mentioned earlier, I would try to expand on certain ideas and even throw in some of your sources. Not even necessarily quote them but introduce them to the reader. For fluidity and reading purposes, the third sentence seems a bit awkward with the phrasing and the question. However, the overall idea of the introduction seems interesting and it does capture the attention and makes me want to read the essay, so with a little more elaboration, the introduction could turn out great
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