Second Rough Draft

Original 

Copyright is thought to be a way for artists and inventors to receive credit for their ideas; and it is. However, “the primary objective of copyright is not to reward the labor of authors but to promote the Progress of Science and useful Arts” (Lethem 224). In other words, copyright prevents others from claiming someone else’s work and at the same time allows that persons work to be built off of. In Cathy Davidson’s essay she describes giving students iPods and “simply [asking] [them] to dream up learning applications for this cool little device” (Davidson 49). The act of copyright therefore allowed the students to take credit for all the applications that came of this project, while still keeping the integrity of Apple. The collaboration of the iPod and the Duke University students lead to countless new uses that transformed the once toy, into an academic tool. However, this does not mean that taking someone’s work and slightly tweaking it is collaboration.

Revised

Copyright is thought to be a way for artists and inventors to receive credit for their ideas; and it is. However, “the primary objective of copyright is not to reward the labor of authors but to promote the Progress of Science and useful Arts” (Lethem 224). In other words, copyright prevents others from claiming someone else’s work and at the same time allows that person’s work to be built off of. Sometimes it is necessary for people to collaborate with copyright protections in order to further a certain subject area, such as education. In Cathy Davidson’s essay, “Project Classroom Makeover”, she describes giving students iPods and “simply [asking] [them] to dream up learning applications for this cool little device” (Davidson 49). The act of copyright therefore allowed the students to take credit for all the applications that came from this project, while keeping the integrity of Apple. This provides businesses with an incentive to bring in outside intelligence because, as seen with the iPods, a businesses’ product can be improved and thus lead to more users. Copyright laws, however, are not always this helpful. In many instances copyright law has prevented artists from being able to release new works and has enabled corporations to take advantage of people.

The main changes that I made to this paragraph had to do with adding more analysis that could directly help my thesis. I am still uncertain as to what I want my thesis to be exactly, but I have a much better understanding on what my writing format has to be. Also I can see what kind of details and how much detail is to be expected in each supporting paragraph. As I continued to write this paragraph, the more analysis I did allowed me to see clearer ideas for a good thesis. The main thing I was missing seems to be transitions and a way to continue my argument. Before the peer review my argument got a little weak, but with the extra analysis it is back on track.