Revision

Before Revision:

The relationship of crowdsourcing to all of this is that it facilitates the process of helping a person find where he or she belongs. By the sharing of different ideas within a group and collaborating, connections can be made as well as introducing people to different perspectives. By exposing a person to certain other people that have resulted from different other influences, it is easier for a person to see within themselves certain traits or views that are either the same or contrasting. As a result of this, they can then begin to situate themselves into society. 

Revised:

The relationship of crowdsourcing to all of this is that it facilitates the process of helping a person find where he or she belongs. By the sharing of different ideas within a group and collaborating, connections can be made as well as introducing people to different perspectives. However, there does lie a problem in this as presented by Davidson. The problem is the “one size fits all model of standards” that lies in our society and is exemplified by the fact that “as we narrow the spectrum of skills that we test in schools, more and more kids who have skills outside the spectrum will be labeled as failures” when in fact they simply hold a different place in society (Davidson 61). Davidson looks at this through the lens of school education, which is one of many circumstances where it is relative. In this case, the narrow minded standardized approach of the school system, contrasting it with the iPod experiment, where many different kids were able to exemplify different skills and attributes of their own without failing or being deemed unintelligent. A student talented in music could realize that talent as it is amplified when compared to a student with talents in literature, or another student with talents in science, all while working on the same iPod project. Intelligence at that point is all relative compared to the other students. This intelligence is, once again, a result of the influence said person has encountered, and pretty soon the behaviors of the person form into a pattern, and with these patterns, it is easier for one to identify their niche, whether its among the music industry or the medical field, and before you know it a society is formed on its own. Johnson’s mentions how “all you need are thousands of individuals and a few simple rules of interaction” and before you know it these interactions among people, allow them to see in themselves what they haven't before and be able to identify with some people while disregarding others (Johnson 199). By exposing a person to certain other people that have resulted from different other influences, it is easier for a person to see within themselves certain traits or views that are either the same or contrasting. As a result of this, they can then begin to situate themselves into society. 

A note Matthew gave me was to work on this paragraph because it was rather short and allowed for opportunity to add in textual support. So, I did exactly that. I added in certain quotes and ideas from Davidson and Johnson that were relevant to my thesis and was able to elaborate and expand on a number of ideas. I was also able to add more in about intelligence, something that I did not have enough about in my rough draft. Overall, I was able to add more textual citations and elaborate and better explain a certain point of my thesis about interactions and their effects on people's ideas.